Troll 2 is a foul little gem that succeeds in the impossible task of making the first Troll film look like a great film. Apparently the need to confront all of those nagging questions left unanswered in the first Troll film was great enough that someone passed the hat around and raised enough money to cover craft service and a week's rental on the camera.
Shot with a film crew that only spoke Italian, and directed by a tyrannical screenwriter who forced his actors to perform all dialogue exactly as written, Troll 2 is probably worse than it would have been if it had not been subjected to such a chaotic yet rigid production. Then again, the script is pretty rancid on its own, so maybe that is just wishful thinking.
The tagline for the movie is "One Was Not Enough!" Sadly, it really was. It might not have been an exceptionally good movie, but it had Sonny Bono. So, you know, it had that going for it. Troll 2 doesn't have Sonny Bono going for it. Troll 2 is the type of film that wishes it has Sonny Bono, which is a sad state of affairs indeed.
Troll 2 isn't just a bad movie. It is a bad movie that must be experienced in order to be fully understood. Luckily, the fine people at Hulu have made it available for free public consumption. Because they truly know what the public wants.
With the weekend estimates in, I think it should be noted that Year One, with a budget of $60 Million, only managed a $20 Million opening weekend, while The Hangover has already managed to rack up over four times its $35 Million budget in only three weeks.
Is this a testament to good comedies winning over bad comedies? Hardly. Just look at how much Paul Blart: Mall Cop raked in. Big money at the box office does not immediately equal quality of content. Just look at the overwhelming success of Titanic. I rest my case.
What this hopefully signals, however, is the eventual decline of Jack Black's career. Ever since his lukewarm appearance in High Fidelity somehow garnered him endless praise from moviegoers and critics alike (all of whom were probably just reacting to watching John Cusack play such an unlikeable character), Black has been spreading across the big screen like a bad case of flesh eating virus. Not only scoring leading rolls in countless mediocre comedies, but even earning big paychecks in overly hyped near misses like Peter Jackson's King Kong remake (may they both burn for that one) and Tropic Thunder (which owes nearly every laugh to Robert Downey). To make matters worse, he has used this unreasonable fame to push his half-assed and still fairly obscure parody band Tenacious D, which is sort of a rock and roll version of Spinal Tap, minus the humor.
Could this be the beginning of the end? The public does seem to be making a shift away from these overpaid comedians coasting their way through one feature film after another. Just
recently, the much more talented yet increasingly annoying Will Ferrell just saw a dismal opening weekend for the highly anticipated Land of the Lost film, after a dozen or so hits featuring his patented "obnoxious dumb guy" routine. Maybe audiences are finally getting fed up of seeing the same four or five goofy faces telling the same jokes over and over again.
Of course, it could simply be the subject matter. After all, Ben Stiller still managed to make back the $150 Million budget of the Night at the Museumsequel with his tiring sad sack routine. But I shall still cross my fingers and hope that this signals the eventual decline and ruination of the Jack Black gravy train. Although, to be perfectly honest, I fear that the upcoming KungFu Panda sequel shall crush my dreams beneath its untalented furry paw.
1 The Proposal BV $34,114,000 2 The HangoverWB $26,855,000 3 Up BV $21,336,000 4 Year OneSony $20,200,000 5 The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 Sony $11,300,000 6 Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Fox $7,300,000 7 Star Trek Par. $4,700,000 8 Land of the Lost Uni. $3,976,000 9 Imagine That Par. $3,100,000 10 Terminator Salvation WB $3,070,000
That's right, people. There's nothing to worry about when your country's powerful investigative branch is devoting all of its resources and manpower to keeping American citizens from seeing blowjobs.
Just recently, the Associated Press was given nearly five hundred pages of redacted FBI files documenting the bureau's frantic attempt to put a stop to the moral decay threatening to rot the foundation right out from underneath this great nation. Of course, that argument seems a little paranoid when it is a reference to Communism, or the "Red Scare." It sounds even sillier when its about skin flicks.
No stone was left unturned by this mighty organization. Interviews (Linda Lovelace's interview appears to be redacted in its entirety), background checks, and even several synopses of the film as reported by agents who were apparently sent to watch the film and report on its contents. I'm guessing that several viewings were necessary in order to get all of the facts straight. One document even suggests that director Gerard Damiano might have been eligible for immunity from prosecution, which begs the question of what exactly he was willing to offer them in exchange. You would think mob intel would be the obvious choice, but there seems to be no mentions among any of the documents of the Mafia, or even investigations into possible links between the Mafia and the film. Which is odd, if you consider that Mafia ties were always near the top of the list with Deep Throat opponents.
Maybe somewhere in these reams of documents there is an explanation as to exactly why the FBI was so afraid of New York City grindhouses showing such felonious features of fictional fellatio fiends to friendly film fans. Maybe it was the final attempt of a government still predominantly run by aging white men who were considered ultra-conservative even back in the 1950's, before the freak flags started battling it out with Old Glory.
Of course, why the FBI got so interested in Deep Throat isn't really the issue. The issue is that the government, throughout the history of cinema, has always recognized the power of the flickering image, and has always sought to control it or suppress it in one form or another. Whether it is open and flagrant like the Hayes Code and Red Scare Blacklistings, or more covert and manipulative like this present example, the government has always wanted in on the action, one way or another.
A lot of the reports on these documents find amusement in remarking on how odd and obsolete an investigation such as this looks from the distance of decades. What almost none of them are going to ask is, if this was the kind of thing that secretive branches of the United States government were willing to persue, can you imagine what they must be up to now?
1 The Hangover WB $33,415,000 2 Up BV $30,515,000 3 The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 Sony $25,000,000 4 Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Fox $9,600,000 5 Land of the Lost Uni. $9,153,000 6 Imagine That Par. $5,700,000 7 Star Trek Par. $5,600,000 8 Terminator Salvation WB $4,695,000 9 Angels & Demons Sony $4,200,000 10 Drag Me to Hell Uni. $3,864,000
I hate to come right out and say "I told you so," but no one in the offices of This Movie Sucks! were ever convinced that David Carradine had committed suicide. We implied as much in our initial post reporting the actor's death.
Granted, when we first heard simply that he was found hanged, it was just a gut reaction. It would be like hearing that James Woods was caught taking ballet lessons. Some things are just too inconceivable to comprehend. The contradictory reports coming from Singapore, with police saying 'suicide' and managers saying 'natural causes', it was obvious that something weird was going on. Then, the phrase "found hanging in closet" hit the news cycle, and our minds were made up. No of David Carradine's stature hangs himself in a hotel room closet. That's just plain nonsense.
Well, the official word is out, and forensics expert Dr. Michael Baden has declared that, unless contradictory evidence is supplied with materials requested from Singapore, David Carradine's death was in no way a suicide.
So, now that the cat is out of the bag, I think there is an important question that must be asked here and now.
Exactly where was Chuck Norris at the time of David Carradine's death?
Granted, it is just speculation that Mr. Norris was responsible for the mysterious death of Bruce Lee, and there is no real evidence to connect him to the accidental death of Lee's son, Brandon. But now that yet another Martial Arts practicing actor with ties to Chuck Norris has met with a sudden and unexplained demise, I think it is time that we start keeping an eye on old Chuck.
I stumbled upon this the other day, and this could quite possible change the face of Bad Movie Night for us cinema trash freaks over here at This Movie Sucks! Just imagine pulling into any parking lot with a big blank wall and firing up Treasure of the Four Crowns for anyone who cars to pull over and watch. I get a tear in my eye just thinking about it.
Just imagine your typically urban highway, cutting through a sea of strip malls and mega-stores. Cars passing on the way to or from somwhere else, dusk settling over the landscape. Suddenly, one of the car's passengers notices something flashing across the side wall of a vacant Circuit City. The driver slows down long enough to recognize an old Italian zombie film being projected against the building's dingy white wall. Curious, the car pulls into the lot, where half a dozen people are enjoying the show. The newly arrived audience members are instructed on which channel to tune their radio into, and they settle in for the rest of the first half of that night's double feature, Demons 2 and Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things.
You see? Bad movies may rot the brain and bruise the soul, but they can still bring people together. I'm sorry, I have to stop. If I keep going, I'm going to start crying again...
The set-up seems fairly simple, with the only major cost being that of a decent projector. We'll keep you guys posted, but I am already looking into the possibility of converting my 2000 VW Jetta into a traveling Bad Movie Drive-In. Maybe we can even get the Phillipsburg/Easton area on the MobMov region map.
As a wise philosopher might have said if plied with enough cheap liqueur, "If we can't bring the people to the bad movies, than we shall bring the bad movies to the people!"
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