Monday, November 21, 2011

Moviesucktastic #52: Batman Returns, 11-11-11

Welcome to Moviesucktastic #52, brought to you by the classic crime drama 52 Pick-Up.

This episode, Joey and Scott delve into the dark recesses of the new film 11-11-11. Not since Friday the 13th has a premier-weekend-opening-date-specific titled film been so eagerly anticipated by an audience thrilled by the mere concept of seeing a film in a theater on the date scrawled across the marquee! Does the film have anything to offer besides a conveniently coincidental release date and title? If by "anything" you mean moments of spine-tingling terror emanating from the masterfully crafted screenplay of a taught theological thriller, then the answer is a sad, whimpering "no."

But not so fast! Before delving into the Land of Elevens, The Movie Guys (Joey and Scott) examine the top ten box office hits of the past week, weighing in on the hits and misses, adding their own entries into this week's Finger List, and inexplicably remembering that episode of Silver Spoons in which a young Rick Schroder dressed up in drag so he could accompany his lonely friend on a date.

But not so fast! Before they can get hip-deep in pseudo-numerology, Scott diverges onto a path leading towards bitter rage and indignation. Having recently bumped into one of those vile, soulless bastards trolling the internet and acting like complete ass-hats whenever they should stumble upon those whose opinions differ from theirs (you know the type), Scott taps into his reserve of Post-Avatar-Aggression and swings long and hard at the Facebook loser who dared to imply that his dislike of the Tim Burton travesty Batman Returns disqualified him from being able to call himself a "Film Buff."

Knowing better than to get in the way of one of Scott's tirade's, Joey steps back and lets Scott take over for a lengthy and unapologetic rant against Batman Returns and those Facebook fiends who would dare question his film criticism credentials while defending such a steaming pile of cinema. Just to show they play fair, the Moviesucktastic Hotline number is given out, along with an invitation for Scott's newest reel rival to call in and defend his honor.Let us hope he takes the bait.

Finally, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, Joey and Scott wearily descend upon this week's feature review, the tragically boring and poorly crafted 11-11-11, written and directed by Saw II, III and IV director Darren Lynn Bousman, and forever tainting the sterling reputation of the Saw film franchise. Joey and Scott spend a great deal of time struggling to come to terms with how hackneyed and cliche the film's plot is, how badly and ham-fisted the dialogue is, and how non-frightening the multitude of cat-in-closet scares were overall. In fact, according to Scott, the creepiest part of the entire film is how in-depth Joey became with spotting the instances of the number eleven being surgically implanted into the film's background. If you can't tell how this one ends after the fifteen minutes, you might be the same guy who defended Batman Returns as a work of cinematic genius. Scott ends their sad look back at 11-11-11 by recommending a good film involving evil religious cults, The Nameless.

As with previous episodes, the show wraps up with yet another installment of Scott's Sucktastic Theater, in which he continues reading from the novel which served as the inspiration for the film Gymkata, Dan Tyler Moore's The Terrible Game.

"Jonathan could literally feel the wild nervous energy of his pony."

This episode of Moviesucktastic is available on iTunes and Zune, or on Podcast PicklePodcast Pup and Pod FeedIf you are on the go, you can stream it on the fly directly onto your smart phone using the sweet-ass Stitcher App. And, as always, you can also download or listen to the show streaming at

And while you're at it, be sure to drop us a voice mail on the Moviesucktastic Hotline908-514-4470. Especially feel free to call in if Scott spent half of the episode calling you a jackass. This means you, CA.

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