Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Next on Moviesucktastic: Starcrash (1978)

Next on Moviesucktastic: Starcrash, starring Christopher Plummer and David Hasselhoff!

This episode features special review commentary by guest host Chris Byczkiewicz, so be sure to tune in.

And just in case you want to play along, the full film can be watched in its entirety (not advisable) on YouTube:

Tune in live on Wednesday 3/20 at 8:30 PM, or listen afterwards by downloading the podcast on iTunes or Moviesucktastic.com.
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Friday, June 15, 2012

Moviesucktastic #76: Prometheus Sucked

prometheus_poster (Photo credit: Film_Poster)
That's right, you heard correctly. Prometheus was a bad movie. Don't believe it? Just listen in as Joey and Scott tear apart this self-indulgent pile of rehashed Alien films like a loaf of fresh bread. Important questions are raised: Is Prometheus a Prequel? Does the existence of aliens disprove the existence of God? Is there such a thing as too many holograms? How important is character development to a screenplay? How important is good writing to a screenplay? How hard is it to make a control panel out of soft-boiled eggs? Exactly how much of an over-hyped whore has Ridley Scott become? Can you say Blade Runner sequel? Granted, these might not be the questions Ridley Scott intended to be attached with his latest sci-fi disappointment, but that's what you get when you run out of ideas, talent, and scruples.

No Top Ten countdown or Finger List this episode, no time for Movie News or idle chit chat. We launch right into Prometheus for a two-hour discussion of exactly how bad it is. Oh, and be warned, we totally ruin the movie for anybody who hasn't seen it yet. Of course, watching the film is going to ruin it for you anyway, so what do you have to lose? An episode of Teletubbies has more surprising plot twists than this sad example of a filmmaker's slow decline into hackdom. You have been warned.

Tune in and listen to the show on iTunes (be sure to leave us some more awesome reviews!) and Stitcher (for Smartphone and BMW owners alike), or watch the video version of the show over at Livestream (including LIVE RECORDINGS every Thursday night starting around 8PM). Of course, you can listen and/or watch us from the Moviesucktastic Site as well, which includes links to other online locations of MST goodness. While you're at it, visit us on Facebook and Twitter so we don't get too lonely. Or, if you're too lazy to click on links, you can just watch us here.

Watch live streaming video from moviesucktastic at livestream.com

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Friday, May 11, 2012

Moviesucktastic #72: Van Helsing (and John Travolta's Penis)

Promoting "Staying Alive" in Sweden
Promoting "Staying Alive" in Sweden (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Welcome to another news-driven episode of Moviesucktastic, hosted by two guys who probably spend a bit too much time talking about movies and making thinly-veiled romantic overtures at one another. In this latest installment you'll hear a movie review full of spite and malice, and playful coverage of some TMZ-worthy scandal sheet news that has Joey and Scott giggling more than Mitt Romney talking about bullying gay high school students.

This week, news that the dreaded Hollywood Machine (or, as John Travolta would say, "Homosexual Jews") was contemplating a Tom Cruise-starring remake of the not-even-a-decade old Stephen Sommers debacle of a Universal Monsters homage, Van Helsing. The mutual disgust felt by your faithful film review podcast hosts has never been disguised or concealed, yet the film has never garnered an official full-bore MST review, so this dreadful soul-withering news seemed like a perfect opportunity to follow up on our hatred for Van Helsing by spitting a little venomous bile in its general direction.

But first, Entertainment Industry News! And what would entertainment news be without vile, salacious rumors and accusations leveled against a popular A-List actor? Usually, that would be this show. However, news of recent charges of sexual assault leveled against John Travolta of The Experts fame that breath life into past accusations of the Swordfish star's closeted homosexuality, and so The Movie Guys decided to run with the story. Not because of the supposed scandal that claiming the co-star of Look Who's Talking is secretly gay is supposed to evoke, nor the fact that it is yet another (yawn) Hollywood celebrity sex scandal.

No, instead, we decided to run with the story based solely on the fact that the publicized text from the actual lawsuit spends an inordinate amount of time describing various aspects of John Travolta's penis, demonstrates the awkward sexual advances of a film star normally portrayed on screen in films like Perfect as a smooth operator, and includes accusations that he was forced to perform gay sex acts to secure the role of Vinnie Barbarino on Welcome Back, Kotter. (Scott's money is on Gabe Kaplan).

But fear not! We don't spend too much time on John Travolta's penis, as our recent re-watching of Van Helsing is more than enough to leave one feeling used and violated. Between Hugh Jackman's hair extensions and John Travolta's penis, there is plenty in this week's episode to leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Tune in and listen to the show on iTunes (be sure to leave us some more awesome reviews!) and Stitcher (for Smartphone and BMW owners alike), or watch the video version of the show over at Livestream (including LIVE RECORDINGS every Thursday night starting around 8PM). Of course, you can listen and/or watch us from the Moviesucktastic Site as well, which includes links to other online locations of MST goodness. While you're at it, visit us on Facebook and Twitter so we don't get too lonely.

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Thursday, March 22, 2012

Moviesucktastic Episode #66: The Shrimp on the Barbie

Moviesucktastic forges ahead into new realms of visibility as co-hosts Joey and Scot strut their stuff across your computer screen while reviewing Cheech Marin's uninspiring 1990 romantic comedy The Shrimp on the Barbie! Tune and watch us work!

Watch live streaming video from moviesucktastic at livestream.com

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Moviesucktastic Review: The Shrimp on the Barbie (1990)

Cover of "The Shrimp on the Barbie"
Cover of The Shrimp on the Barbie

It is often considered a red flag when a director decides to obscure his or her involvement in a film by adopting the infamous Alan Smithee pseudonym, a name now synonymous with “bad” movies. When director Michael Gottlieb does so after proudly displaying his name on Mannequin, Mr. Nanny, and A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, you end up with enough red flags to open a used car lot.

It’s also a bad sign when a character takes the time to explain the double-meaning of the film’s title, which is what Cheech Marin eventually does in The Shrimp on the Barbie, an unsuccessful attempt to cash in on America’s already rapidly declining obsession with Paul Hogan and the Australian counter-culture. Our screenwriter’s waste no time in setting up the Australian locale, with the first five minutes featuring Marin sporting a Crocodile Dundee costume, uttering the film’s titular phrase, and getting punched out by a kangaroo.

After this rapid-fire introduction to the cultural fish-out-of-water story, the film settles into the agonizingly familiar economic and racial fish-out-water plot, which involves down-on-his-luck and recently dumped Mexican restaurant waiter Carlos accepting $5000 to pretend to be the obnoxious new fianceée of spoiled rich girl Alex (Played by Emma Samms, who spends the bulk of the film running around in extremely tight pants with Piranha II star Carole Davis) in order to help her win some sort of bizarre bet/dare with her rich protective father and get permission to marry her obnoxious Aussie Jock boyfriend. Get it? He’s a “shrimp,’ she’s a “Barbie”… That’s about as clever as the film gets. The entire story feels as if it was written for an East L.A. location (which was most likely the case), then was hastily dropped into the outback to capitalize on the US film audience’s brief flash of Aussie Fever. Remember Jocko? Probably not, and this is why you don’t remember this film, either.

The only saving grace to The Shrimp on the Barbie is Marin’s unavoidable charm and undeniable comic talent, yet this can only hold up a film so long when you find yourself wishing every five or ten minutes that Tommy Chong would show up and give him someone to play the other half of his recycled (yet still mildly amusing) comedic performance. It also doesn’t help that much of Marin’s humor in the film involves fulfilling broad Latino/Mexican stereotypes for comedic effect as the playacting Carlos, only to have him become offended whenever he is confronted by bigoted remarks that are, for the most part, fueled by these antics. It’s also hard to empathize with Marin’s indignation at having his nationality demeaned when a half an hour ago he was belting out thickly accented tunes as Elvo, a Pakistani Elvis Impersonator.

The Shrimp on the Barbie isn’t horrible as much as it is wholly forgettable, except as a chance to see Cheech Marin take up space on the screen again. Minus points for attempting to unsuccessfully sneak sex humor and partial nudity into a PG-13 film. Extra points awarded for featuring two Road Warrior stars in the same film, as well as a cameo by Sloth from The Goonies as the creepy butler.

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