Reviews more entertaining than the movies themselves!
We Suffer For You!
Our front lines start at the ticket booth, and our trenches have stadium seating. We spend our mornings picking the jagged shrapnel of fractured plot lines out of our battle-scarred minds.
Sure, we could review good movies. But where's the fun in that?
1 Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs Fox $42,500,000 2 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen P/DW $42,500,000 3 Public Enemies Uni. $26,172,000 4 The Proposal BV $12,779,000 5 The Hangover WB $10,415,000 6 Up BV $6,579,000 7 My Sister's Keeper WB $5,255,000 8 The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 Sony $2,500,000 10 Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Fox $2,100,000
You might not remember Roger Friedman by name. He's the jackass that was fired for reviewing a downloaded workprint of the film X-Men Origins: Wolverine that had made the news a week or two before the film premiered in theaters. Apparently, he didn't
think that his employer's parent company, 2oth Century Fox, would have a problem with one of their journalists legitimizing online pirating of their blockbuster theatrical releases by watching and reviewing one.
Well, Roger's got a surprise for them. He's suing them to the tune of $5.2 Million dollars, nearly enough money for him to produce his own version of The Room. That's a big chunk of change for a film reviewer to demand for a Wrongful Termination suit. There must be an angle.
The angle, of course, is that Friedman decided that he hadn't quite pissed off enough Hollywood elites yet. So, he's upped the ante by claiming that he wasn't let go because of his poor decision-making skills, but because of the Church of Scientology. It seems that Roger has written some articles in the past that are a tad critical of the L. Ron Hubbard founded religion. His lawsuit states that Scientologists and those sympathetic to the cause within News Corp weren't happy with him, and were just looking for an excuse to get rid of him.
Roger Friedman might not care who he pisses off, but he might want to tread lightly when throwing around accusations that include the Church of Scientology, one of the most litigious religious groups in existence that has been known to sue news organizations for defamation at the drop of a hat. His new employers over at the Hollywood Reporter must be thrilled.
category, we quickly predicted that other awards and presentations would soon be cut to make room for all of those Best Pictures in the televised award ceremony.
Well, the news came out today, and we heartily say "I told you so!"
The Academy announced that the rules would be changed involving the selection of Best Song so that, if the board decides that there aren't any exceptional songs that year, the category can actually be dropped. This means that if only two or three really great songs are released in films in a given year, the board can arbitrarily decide not to honor any of them. How much do you want to bet that the first Ten Best Pictures ceremony sees the first inaction of this rule. Any takers?
The other big announcement, and even a bigger blow, is that the 'testimonial' awards won't be performed live during the ceremony, but instead be awarded during an non-televised black tie event prior to the main event. Among these are the Honorary Oscars for Career Excellence, also known as the We-Screwed-Up awards that they always end up giving to exceptional actors and directors who aren't recognized for their brilliance until they are either dead or retired. This half-assed way of apologizing for ignoring major talent until after the fact has always been a bit suspect, but now that they aren't even including it in the big show, its even more of an insult as well.
1 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen P/DW $112,000,000 2 The Proposal BV $18,466,000 3 The HangoverWB $17,215,000 4 Up BV $13,046,000 5 My Sister's Keeper WB $12,030,000 6 Year OneSony $5,800,000 7 The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 Sony $5,400,000 8 Star Trek Par. $3,606,000 9 Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Fox $3,500,000 10 Away We Go Focus $1,678,000 11 Land of the Lost Uni. $1,143,000 12 Terminator Salvation WB $1,085,000
Let it also be known that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen made $201 million in its 5 day tally. This is only second to The Dark Knight, which made $204 million in the same 5 day span.
I swear, the left side of my body went numb when I saw this.
What is the rational behind this? The Oscars' televised award show wasn't long enough? Did somebody decide to make sure that no one on the East Coast would get to bed until three in the morning on Oscar night?
The big excuse behind this decision appears to be that by broadening the Nominee list to ten, the Acadamy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will be able to ensure that more great works of cinematic artistry will get the exposure they deserve. This, of course, is a big steaming pile of crap.
The Academy has never had a problem with fitting in films for acknowledgment. Their problem has always been their inability to select really great films for what has become perceived as an honor, an Oscar Nomination. Too many good movies for just five Best Picture nominations? Some of the recent winners haven't even been Oscar worthy. Gladiator wins best picture? Titanic sweeps, SWEEPS the Oscars? You can like these films, but you really can't defend the praise that was senselessly heaped upon them as supposed works of genius.
Now for the real reason why this idea has been shot through: Studio Advertising. Five more Best
Picture nominations a year means five more big-budget Hollywood investments that the studios can slap a "Oscar Nominee" label on, guaranteeing them extended box office runs and higher DVD sales. Anybody who doesn't think that the Oscars are nothing more than an annual advertising drive for the film industry probably thought Gladiator truly was the Best Picture that year. And don't give me the Slumdog Millionaire argument, either. They do that once every for or five years so they have proof that they aren't in the pockets of the major production companies.
So, who is going to lose out to this Best Picture expansion? The little guys. Oh, they'll still get nominations, but whoever produces the Oscars this year is going to have to trim some award presentations down if the want to keep the whole dog and pony show under seventeen hours. They sure as hell aren't going to trim the extravagant dance numbers and musical presentations. Where else are these big name performers going to display their talents? Besides their own movies, Broadway shows and music videos, of course.
Nope, there will be cuts, and they will effect people who might never get a chance to experience this kind of limelight again. Best Short Foreign Film? Best Wardrobe Design? Maybe they'll just combine Best Original Screenplay and Best Adapted Screenplay. Hell, they could probably do away with the Screenplay category altogether. Or just lose Editing. So many of those Oscar presentations just give appreciation and respect to the people behind the scenes, the professional craftsmen without whom the films would never get finished.
I think that's my real problem with this decision. The Academy isn't doubling the nominations for all of the categories, just Best Picture. Their excuse is that there are just too many good films out there. The implication is that they need more space to show their regard fro the films, but not for the people behind the scenes that lay the foundation and framework for the films. Of course, I shouldn't blame them for this myopic view; they're just looking at the Big Picture. Too bad the Big Picture seems to be less and less about the people who make it.
Troll 2 is a foul little gem that succeeds in the impossible task of making the first Troll film look like a great film. Apparently the need to confront all of those nagging questions left unanswered in the first Troll film was great enough that someone passed the hat around and raised enough money to cover craft service and a week's rental on the camera.
Shot with a film crew that only spoke Italian, and directed by a tyrannical screenwriter who forced his actors to perform all dialogue exactly as written, Troll 2 is probably worse than it would have been if it had not been subjected to such a chaotic yet rigid production. Then again, the script is pretty rancid on its own, so maybe that is just wishful thinking.
The tagline for the movie is "One Was Not Enough!" Sadly, it really was. It might not have been an exceptionally good movie, but it had Sonny Bono. So, you know, it had that going for it. Troll 2 doesn't have Sonny Bono going for it. Troll 2 is the type of film that wishes it has Sonny Bono, which is a sad state of affairs indeed.
Troll 2 isn't just a bad movie. It is a bad movie that must be experienced in order to be fully understood. Luckily, the fine people at Hulu have made it available for free public consumption. Because they truly know what the public wants.
With the weekend estimates in, I think it should be noted that Year One, with a budget of $60 Million, only managed a $20 Million opening weekend, while The Hangover has already managed to rack up over four times its $35 Million budget in only three weeks.
Is this a testament to good comedies winning over bad comedies? Hardly. Just look at how much Paul Blart: Mall Cop raked in. Big money at the box office does not immediately equal quality of content. Just look at the overwhelming success of Titanic. I rest my case.
What this hopefully signals, however, is the eventual decline of Jack Black's career. Ever since his lukewarm appearance in High Fidelity somehow garnered him endless praise from moviegoers and critics alike (all of whom were probably just reacting to watching John Cusack play such an unlikeable character), Black has been spreading across the big screen like a bad case of flesh eating virus. Not only scoring leading rolls in countless mediocre comedies, but even earning big paychecks in overly hyped near misses like Peter Jackson's King Kong remake (may they both burn for that one) and Tropic Thunder (which owes nearly every laugh to Robert Downey). To make matters worse, he has used this unreasonable fame to push his half-assed and still fairly obscure parody band Tenacious D, which is sort of a rock and roll version of Spinal Tap, minus the humor.
Could this be the beginning of the end? The public does seem to be making a shift away from these overpaid comedians coasting their way through one feature film after another. Just
recently, the much more talented yet increasingly annoying Will Ferrell just saw a dismal opening weekend for the highly anticipated Land of the Lost film, after a dozen or so hits featuring his patented "obnoxious dumb guy" routine. Maybe audiences are finally getting fed up of seeing the same four or five goofy faces telling the same jokes over and over again.
Of course, it could simply be the subject matter. After all, Ben Stiller still managed to make back the $150 Million budget of the Night at the Museumsequel with his tiring sad sack routine. But I shall still cross my fingers and hope that this signals the eventual decline and ruination of the Jack Black gravy train. Although, to be perfectly honest, I fear that the upcoming KungFu Panda sequel shall crush my dreams beneath its untalented furry paw.
Live too far away to attend a local book signing? Autographed copies of Monster Rally can now be ordered online at The Author's Den for no additional charge.
Born in Newark, NJ Joey has a love hate relationship with many parts of his life. He started his career in professional wallpaper, paint and a sprinkle of construction for nearly 12 years. Being the realist that he is foreseeing a future of a bad back, knees and shoulder replacements, he put himself through school working days and school at night. In just a short time afterwards he earned his Network Engineering Degree and threw himself into a horrible job market that was 2001. But alas after many sleepless night worrying that wallpaper paste will forever soak his hands and clothes he was offered a job as a Senior Computer Technician/Network Engineer which he currently still holds. He is happily married and in a cliche of all cliches "i don't really know how she puts up with me sometimes". His love for video games, NJ Devils, computers and technology and most of all movies keeps his wit sharp and keen. The move reel of his life keeps on spinning and is ever changing down the road with always with a myriad of different endings in sight. Hopefully all endings will be great ones. With his girl and his closest friends at his side, he knows they will be.
Bill Corbett’s New Look
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It’s not easy being a Bill Corbett - riffer, writer, actor, father, amateur
soft drink developer. Mixing a career and family can be tough, even
confusing, ...
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