Moviesucktastic #51: Action Jackson

Image via Wikipedia
In the tradition of Formula 51, Planet 51, Dossier 51, and of course, Area 51, Moviesucktastic brings you: Episode #51! For this landmark episode (our very first fifty-first episode!), Joey and Scott tackle the man of the hour, a tower of power, and cool Detroit cop all the ladies want to be frisked by, the one and only Action Jackson!

The Movie Guys start off the show with some industry news, discussing Brett Ratner's unceremonious removal as Producer of the 84th Annual Academy Awards show due to his "Rehearsals are for fags" comment (proving that he chooses his words as carefully as he chooses films to direct, i.e X-Men: The Last Stand, Red Dragon, Rush Hour, Rush Hour 2, Rush Hour 3), and Twilight-meets-Grimm fairy tale film adaptation Snow White and the Huntsman, in which the Huntsman not only refuses to kill Snow White, but trains her for combat to defend herself (proving that Hollywood can take even a classic story already told hundreds of times and weigh it down even further with a tired premise).

After this brief look at the dismal state of affairs regarding upcoming releases, all eyes turn to the indomitable Action Jackson! Don't let the carbon-copy James Bond movie poster fool you: Sgt. Jericho "Action" Jackson is no 007. No sir, this tough as nails Detroit cop doesn't play Blackjack and sip martinis, he plays dominoes and cracks open big cans of whoop-ass, all while spending as much time shirtless as humanly possible. The future city of Detroit might need a Robocop to protect it, but the only thing this modern day Motor City needs to stop the evil plans of Auto Magnate Craig T. Nelson (and do you really need a reason to want to see someone beat the living snot out of Craig T. Nelson?) is an Oh-No Cop, as in Oh No You Didn't! Or, as Action Jackson would say: "How do you like your ribs?" Just be warned: whatever you do, don't piss him off.

The show wraps up with yet another installment of Scott's Sucktastic Theater, in which he continues reading from the novel which served as the inspiration for the film Gymkata, Dan Tyler Moore's The Terrible Game. For good measure, Scott and Joey share some quick stories pant-less about mutual friend Buszna before signing off.

This episode of Moviesucktastic is available on iTunes and Zune, or on Podcast Pickle, Podcast Pup and Pod Feed. If you are on the go, you can stream it on the fly directly onto your smart phone using the sweet-ass Stitcher App. And, as always, you can also download or listen to the show streaming at Moviesucktastic.com.

And while you're at it, be sure to drop us a voice mail on the Moviesucktastic Hotline, 908-514-4470. Just don't talk no jive, unless you're prepared for some Jackson Action.

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Moviesucktastic #50: Dungeons & Dragons, Severed: Forest of the Dead

Image via WikipediaMilestones are often causes for celebration. Anniversaries are frequently marked as joyous occasions. But for Joey & Scott, the fearless hosts of Moviesucktastic, the recording of episode #50 of their podcast dedicated to the contemplation and appreciation of awful cinema brings with only more pain, suffering, and human degradation. Instead of passing around party favors and pointy hats, the Movie Guys broke out the twenty-sided dice and flannel shirts for a double feature of crappy movies.

For those of you who thought that the upcoming Battleship was the first epic film based on a game, the Movie Guys cover the adaptation that role-playing game geeks have struggled to forget for years, the regretful Dungeons & Dragons. This failure to successfully cash in on the trademark of a cultural marketing phenomenon, rivaled only by the dismal Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie, features the questionable performances of the overacting Jeremy Irons, the overestimated Justin Whalin, the overly annoying Marlon Wayans, and a supporting cast of people who should have known better (with the possible exception of Richard O'Brien, who pretty much exists in his own unique cinematic world). Bonus points for the appearance of Lee Arenberg, who starred as a disgusting bald dwarf warrior before going on to take on the role of everyone's favorite disgusting bald pirate in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Minus points for blue lipstick.

After this abysmal dungeon crawl, Scott consumed a bottle (or two, or three) of basement-brewed wine before following Joey into the thick, overgrown jungle of disappointing zombie films that is Severed: Forest of the Dead. When you hear Lumberjacks and Environmental Activists vs. Zombies, do you think Chainsaws, Bulldozers, and Picket Signs driven through zombified skulls? Then prepare to be disappointed as you slog through this week's Moviesucktastic Home Game selection, brought streaming into your homes by the money-grubbing bastards at Netflix. Despite the tantalizing promise that this low-budget horror film will deliver an "undead gore fest that makes a run-in with a wood chipper seem tame," the closest you'll get to any real gore is when you claw your eyes out from sheer boredom during the riveting dinner-table conversation scenes.

This episode of Moviesucktastic is available on iTunes and Zune, or on Podcast Pickle, Podcast Pup and Pod Feed. If you are on the go, you can stream it on the fly directly onto your smart phone using the sweet-ass Stitcher App. And, as always, you can also download or listen to the show streaming at Moviesucktastic.com.

And while you're at it, be sure to drop us a voice mail on the Moviesucktastic Hotline, 908-514-4470. Leave a review or recommend a bad movie for us to watch. We're always open to suggestions.

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Coming Attractions: Action Jackson (1988)

Image via WikipediaComing up in episode #51 of Moviesucktastic, Joey and Scott weather the Carl Weathers vehicle Action Jackson, a sad and futile attempt of late 1980s filmmakers to recreate the gritty, hardcore magic of black exploitation cinema classics such as Richard Roundtree's Shaft, and make Carl "Expendable Co-Star" Weathers a leading man.

Don't let the carbon-copy James Bond movie poster fool you: Sgt. Jericho "Action" Jackson is no 007. No sir, this tough as nails Detroit cop doesn't play Blackjack and sip martinis, he plays dominoes and cracks open big cans of whoop-ass, all while spending as much time shirtless as humanly possible. The future city of Detroit might need a Robocop to protect it, but the only thing this modern day Motor City needs to stop the evil plans of Auto Magnate Craig T. Nelson (and do you really need a reason to want to see someone beat the living snot out of Craig T. Nelson?) is an Oh-No Cop, as in Oh No You Didn't! Or, as Action Jackson would say: "How do you like your ribs?"

On a positive note, this is probably one of the few films in which Carl Weathers doesn't die. (Does that qualify as a spoiler?)

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