Moviesucktastic #76: Prometheus Sucked

prometheus_poster (Photo credit: Film_Poster)

That's right, you heard correctly. Prometheus was a bad movie. Don't believe it? Just listen in as Joey and Scott tear apart this self-indulgent pile of rehashed Alien films like a loaf of fresh bread. Important questions are raised: Is Prometheus a Prequel? Does the existence of aliens disprove the existence of God? Is there such a thing as too many holograms? How important is character development to a screenplay? How important is good writing to a screenplay? How hard is it to make a control panel out of soft-boiled eggs? Exactly how much of an over-hyped whore has Ridley Scott become? Can you say Blade Runner sequel? Granted, these might not be the questions Ridley Scott intended to be attached with his latest sci-fi disappointment, but that's what you get when you run out of ideas, talent, and scruples.

No Top Ten countdown or Finger List this episode, no time for Movie News or idle chit chat. We launch right into Prometheus for a two-hour discussion of exactly how bad it is. Oh, and be warned, we totally ruin the movie for anybody who hasn't seen it yet. Of course, watching the film is going to ruin it for you anyway, so what do you have to lose? An episode of Teletubbies has more surprising plot twists than this sad example of a filmmaker's slow decline into hackdom. You have been warned.

Tune in and listen to the show on iTunes (be sure to leave us some more awesome reviews!) and Stitcher (for Smartphone and BMW owners alike), or watch the video version of the show over at Livestream (including LIVE RECORDINGS every Thursday night starting around 8PM). Of course, you can listen and/or watch us from the Moviesucktastic Site as well, which includes links to other online locations of MST goodness. While you're at it, visit us on Facebook and Twitter so we don't get too lonely. Or, if you're too lazy to click on links, you can just watch us here.

Watch live streaming video from moviesucktastic at livestream.com

Related articles

• Ridley Scott Lets Slip That a Prometheus Sequel Is Definitely On-the-Cards

  ---

• "Prometheus" and TED: Where Does Marketing End and Entertainment Begin?

  ---

• 5 Simple Changes That Would Make 'Prometheus' Better (For Fans Of 'Alien')

  ---

• Sci-fi Rounup: New 'Dredd' Synopsis; 'Prometheus' & 'Looper' Posters & Images

  ---

Moviesucktastic #72: Van Helsing (and John Travolta's Penis)

Promoting "Staying Alive" in Sweden (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Welcome to another news-driven episode of Moviesucktastic, hosted by two guys who probably spend a bit too much time talking about movies and making thinly-veiled romantic overtures at one another. In this latest installment you'll hear a movie review full of spite and malice, and playful coverage of some TMZ-worthy scandal sheet news that has Joey and Scott giggling more than Mitt Romney talking about bullying gay high school students.

This week, news that the dreaded Hollywood Machine (or, as John Travolta would say, "Homosexual Jews") was contemplating a Tom Cruise-starring remake of the not-even-a-decade old Stephen Sommers debacle of a Universal Monsters homage, Van Helsing. The mutual disgust felt by your faithful film review podcast hosts has never been disguised or concealed, yet the film has never garnered an official full-bore MST review, so this dreadful soul-withering news seemed like a perfect opportunity to follow up on our hatred for Van Helsing by spitting a little venomous bile in its general direction.

But first, Entertainment Industry News! And what would entertainment news be without vile, salacious rumors and accusations leveled against a popular A-List actor? Usually, that would be this show. However, news of recent charges of sexual assault leveled against John Travolta of The Experts fame that breath life into past accusations of the Swordfish star's closeted homosexuality, and so The Movie Guys decided to run with the story. Not because of the supposed scandal that claiming the co-star of Look Who's Talking is secretly gay is supposed to evoke, nor the fact that it is yet another (yawn) Hollywood celebrity sex scandal.

No, instead, we decided to run with the story based solely on the fact that the publicized text from the actual lawsuit spends an inordinate amount of time describing various aspects of John Travolta's penis, demonstrates the awkward sexual advances of a film star normally portrayed on screen in films like Perfect as a smooth operator, and includes accusations that he was forced to perform gay sex acts to secure the role of Vinnie Barbarino on Welcome Back, Kotter. (Scott's money is on Gabe Kaplan).

But fear not! We don't spend too much time on John Travolta's penis, as our recent re-watching of Van Helsing is more than enough to leave one feeling used and violated. Between Hugh Jackman's hair extensions and John Travolta's penis, there is plenty in this week's episode to leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Tune in and listen to the show on iTunes (be sure to leave us some more awesome reviews!) and Stitcher (for Smartphone and BMW owners alike), or watch the video version of the show over at Livestream (including LIVE RECORDINGS every Thursday night starting around 8PM). Of course, you can listen and/or watch us from the Moviesucktastic Site as well, which includes links to other online locations of MST goodness. While you're at it, visit us on Facebook and Twitter so we don't get too lonely.

Related articles

• John Travolta "lumbered to his feet (his) erect penis bouncing around with his stride."
• So John Travolta May Or May Not Have Molested A Man Over Hamburgers
• Tom Cruise to replace Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing
• MovieSucktastic - Live Oscar Show

Moviesucktastic Episode #66: The Shrimp on the Barbie

Moviesucktastic forges ahead into new realms of visibility as co-hosts Joey and Scot strut their stuff across your computer screen while reviewing Cheech Marin's uninspiring 1990 romantic comedy The Shrimp on the Barbie! Tune and watch us work!

Watch live streaming video from moviesucktastic at livestream.com

Related articles

• The Cheech Marin Interview (gordonkeith.wordpress.com)
• PHOTOS: Do Shrimp Come On Paul Hogan's Barbie? (huffingtonpost.com)

Moviesucktastic Review: The Shrimp on the Barbie (1990)

Cover of The Shrimp on the Barbie

It is often considered a red flag when a director decides to obscure his or her involvement in a film by adopting the infamous Alan Smithee pseudonym, a name now synonymous with “bad” movies. When director Michael Gottlieb does so after proudly displaying his name on Mannequin, Mr. Nanny, and A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, you end up with enough red flags to open a used car lot.

It’s also a bad sign when a character takes the time to explain the double-meaning of the film’s title, which is what Cheech Marin eventually does in The Shrimp on the Barbie, an unsuccessful attempt to cash in on America’s already rapidly declining obsession with Paul Hogan and the Australian counter-culture. Our screenwriter’s waste no time in setting up the Australian locale, with the first five minutes featuring Marin sporting a Crocodile Dundee costume, uttering the film’s titular phrase, and getting punched out by a kangaroo.

After this rapid-fire introduction to the cultural fish-out-of-water story, the film settles into the agonizingly familiar economic and racial fish-out-water plot, which involves down-on-his-luck and recently dumped Mexican restaurant waiter Carlos accepting $5000 to pretend to be the obnoxious new fianceée of spoiled rich girl Alex (Played by Emma Samms, who spends the bulk of the film running around in extremely tight pants with Piranha II star Carole Davis) in order to help her win some sort of bizarre bet/dare with her rich protective father and get permission to marry her obnoxious Aussie Jock boyfriend. Get it? He’s a “shrimp,’ she’s a “Barbie”… That’s about as clever as the film gets. The entire story feels as if it was written for an East L.A. location (which was most likely the case), then was hastily dropped into the outback to capitalize on the US film audience’s brief flash of Aussie Fever. Remember Jocko? Probably not, and this is why you don’t remember this film, either.

The only saving grace to The Shrimp on the Barbie is Marin’s unavoidable charm and undeniable comic talent, yet this can only hold up a film so long when you find yourself wishing every five or ten minutes that Tommy Chong would show up and give him someone to play the other half of his recycled (yet still mildly amusing) comedic performance. It also doesn’t help that much of Marin’s humor in the film involves fulfilling broad Latino/Mexican stereotypes for comedic effect as the playacting Carlos, only to have him become offended whenever he is confronted by bigoted remarks that are, for the most part, fueled by these antics. It’s also hard to empathize with Marin’s indignation at having his nationality demeaned when a half an hour ago he was belting out thickly accented tunes as Elvo, a Pakistani Elvis Impersonator.

The Shrimp on the Barbie isn’t horrible as much as it is wholly forgettable, except as a chance to see Cheech Marin take up space on the screen again. Minus points for attempting to unsuccessfully sneak sex humor and partial nudity into a PG-13 film. Extra points awarded for featuring two Road Warrior stars in the same film, as well as a cameo by Sloth from The Goonies as the creepy butler.

Related articles

• Cheech Marin: 'TACOS, TACOS, TACOS' (huffingtonpost.com)
• PHOTOS: Do Shrimp Come On Paul Hogan's Barbie? (huffingtonpost.com)
• Cheech And 'Rob!' (huffingtonpost.com)

MovieSucktastic - Live Oscar Show

MovieSucktastic - live streaming video powered by Livestream: "

Watch live streaming video from moviesucktastic at livestream.com

'via Blog this'

Related articles

• Watch Oscars 84th Academy Awards live online free stream ABC Channel 26/2/2012 (oleole.com)
• Oscars 2012: Where to Watch 84th Annual Academy Awards via Live Stream, TV and More (ibtimes.com)

Moviesucktastic #62: The Devil and Max Devlin

Image via Wikipedia

A short preamble to the upcoming live Moviesucktastic Oscar Special, Joey and Scott take time out of their busy schedules to take a quick look at the past week's Top Ten Box Office list, and discuss Scott's last Movie Challenge to Joey, the amazingly underwhelming eighties Disney film The Devil and Max Devlin.


The first PG film ever released by Disney, The Devil and Max Devlin is the typical light Disney fare of Satanic influences and the intentional corruption of innocent youth. The rather unenchanting story of a grubby slumlord forced by a demon named Barney to damn the souls of three obnoxious children in order to save his own, Elliot Gould and Bill Cosby share top billing on this awkward and haphazard retelling of Stephen Vincent Benét's The Devil and Daniel Webster, even though Cosby only pops up periodically to annoy Gould's character and not make the audience laugh. 


Gould is uncharacteristically unappealing throughout as he drops his past anti-establishment persona for that of middle-aged creep, and Cosby is equally unfunny in the role of humorless demonic taskmaster. Add to this the Disney demographic-driven stable of child actors, including the pig-faced Eight is Enough troubled child star Adam Rich, an unattractive Barbara Streisand wanna be, and a meager yet enhanced interrogation level soundtrack comprised of only two (!!!!) Julie Budd songs repeated ad nausea, and you have what could possibly be the most depressing and uninspiring Disney film since The Black Hole.

Disney's idea of a Bill Cosby role.

Listen to Moviesucktastic #62 for an in depth examination of The Devil and Max Devlin by The Movie Guys. This episode of Moviesucktastic is available on iTunes and Zune, or on Podcast Pickle, Podcast Pup and Pod Feed. If you are on the go, you can stream it on the fly directly onto your smart phone using the sweet-ass Stitcher App. And, as always, you can also download or listen to the show streaming at Moviesucktastic.com.

And while you're at it, be sure to drop us a voice mail on the Moviesucktastic Hotline, 908-514-4470. Call in with your Oscar predictions and shame us!

Related articles

• Weird Disney, Armchair Archivist Digs into the Walt Disney Archives (laughingsquid.com)
• The Devil and Daniel Webster and Rick Santorum (ruinedchapel.wordpress.com)
• Marlon Wayans is a Smart Ass. Anyone Shocked? (dreadcentral.com)

Moviesucktastic #60: Ghost Dad

Cover of Ghost Dad

Looking for a suitable movie link to JD's Revenge for his next Moviesucktastic Movie Challenge to Joey, Scott runs with the theme of Urban Ghost Stories and plays the Ghost Card with the film that successfully ended Bill Cosby's feature film acting career and Sidney Poitier's feature film directing career, the inexplicable Ghost Dad.

Meant to be Bill Cosby's comeback film to make everyone (including Cosby himself, apparently) forget about the Leonard: Part Six debacle, Ghost Dad only manages to make the audience wish wistfully for the visual tomfoolery of Cosby riding ostriches and buttering killer lobsters. Bill Cosby is an overworked single parent who consistently neglects his bland and uninteresting children while trying to secure their financial future through "The Big Deal" he is brokering at his vague job involving placating a bunch of old white men. Then, hilariously, he dies and begins haunting his children. Comedy gold, right? The fact that Ghost Dad seemed to be suspiciously timed to beat the Patrick Swayze vehicle Ghost to the big screen by three months makes the end results even that much more depressing. A no-budget special effects film that was obviously butchered and cut short due to budget constraints, Ghost Dad serves as little more than a bitter reminder to Autumn Jackson that hers wasn't the only childhood devoid of Cosby's Jello-Brand Gelatin parental guidance.

This episode of Moviesucktastic is available on iTunes and Zune, or on Podcast Pickle, Podcast Pup and Pod Feed. If you are on the go, you can stream it on the fly directly onto your smart phone using the sweet-ass Stitcher App. And, as always, you can also download or listen to the show streaming at Moviesucktastic.com.

And while you're at it, be sure to drop us a voice mail on the Moviesucktastic Hotline, 908-514-4470. Call in with your Oscar predictions and shame us!

Related articles

• Trying to track down a Bill Cosby quote (ask.metafilter.com)
• Revolution Starts at Home, Says Bill Cosby (theroot.com)
• The Bill Cosby School of Fathering (viewfrommiddleclass.wordpress.com)

The Official Moviesucktastic Oscar Nominations Film List/Guide/Ballot

Image via Wikipedia

Best Picture
War Horse
The Artist
Moneyball
The Descendants
The Tree of Life
Midnight in Paris
The Help
Hugo
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Best Actress
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Viola Davis, The Help
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn

Best Actor
Demian Bichir, A Better Life
George Clooney, The Descendants
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Brad Pitt, Moneyball

Supporting Actress
Berenice Bejo, The Artist
Jessica Chastain, The Help
Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer, The Help

Supporting Actor
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Nick Nolte, Warrior
Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Max von Sydow, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Best Director

Michel Hazanivicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Martin Scorsese, Hugo
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
Terrence Malick, The Tree of Life

Best Original Screenplay
Michel Hazanivicius, The Artist
Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo, Bridesmaids
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
J.C. Chandor, Margin Call
Asghar Farhadi, A Separation

Best Adapted Screenplay
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon and Jim Rash, The Descendants
John Logan, Hugo
George Clooney, Beau Willimon and Grant Heslov, The Ides of March

Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin and Stan Chervin, Moneyball
Bridget O'Connor and Peter Straughan, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Best Foreign Feature
Bullhead
Footnote
In Darkness
Monsieur Lazhar
A Separation

Best Animated Feature
A Cat in Paris
Chico & Rita
Kung Fu Panda 2
Puss in Boots
Rango

Art Direction

The Artist
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
War Horse

Cinematography
The Artist
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
The Tree of Life
War Horse

Costume Design
Anonymous
The Artist
Hugo
Jane Eyre

W.E.

Documentary Feature
Hell and Back Again
If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front
Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory
Pina
Undefeated

Documentary Short Subject
The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movement
God Is the Bigger Elvis
Incident in New Baghdad
Saving Face
The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom

Film Editing

Anne-Sophie Bion and Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Kevin Tent, The Descendants
Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Thelma Schoonmaker, Hugo
Christopher Tellefsen, Moneyball

Makeup
Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston and Matthew W. Mungle, Albert Nobbs
Nick Dudman, Amanda Knight and Lisa Tomblin, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Mark Coulier and J. Roy Helland, The Iron Lady

Music (Original Score)
John Williams, The Adventures of Tintin
Ludovic Bource, The Artist
Howard Shore, Hugo
Alberto Iglesias, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

John Williams, War Horse

Music (Original Song)
"Man or Muppet" from The Muppets, Bret McKenzie
"Real in Rio" from Rio, Sergio Mendes, Carlinhos Brown and Siedah Garrett

Sound Editing
Drive
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
War Horse

Sound Mixing
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Hugo
Moneyball
Transformers: Dark of the Moon

War Horse

Visual Effects
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Hugo
Real Steel
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Short Film (Animated)
Dimanche/Sunday
The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore
La Luna
A Morning Stroll
Wild Life

Short Film (Live Action)
Pentecost
Raju
The Shore
Time Freak
Tuba Atlantic

Related articles

• Only Nine Films Up For Best Picture (imdb.com)
• Hit & Miss: Movie Posters (the170.com)
• Hugo Leads Oscars Nominations With 11 Nods (imdb.com)

Moviesucktastic #59: 2012 Oscar Nominations Show

Image via Wikipedia

As happens every year, Bad Movie Month (January) leads into the supposedly Good Movie Month of February with Oscar Season, and The Movie Guys take advantage of this seasonal event by using this episode of Moviesucktastic to take their initial look at the newly released Academy of Motion Picture's list of Oscar Nominees!

Joey and Scott take a few moments at the beginning of the show to talk about Scott's new job, his recent trip to California, his eager consumption of cow throat glands and his long term issues with ear wax buildup, before diving into the past weekend's Top Ten Box Office list. As usual, the Top Ten segment wraps up with the Finger List, and Scott trashing a widely respected film (this week's title to incur Scott's hatred: Schindler's List).

Schindler's List - Best Romantic Comedy Ever

After a brief moment spent lamenting the recent trend towards 3D in films (yes, again), and a quick verbal assault on New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, Joey and Scott spend the second half of the show taking a closer look at the Nominees for the 2012 Academy Awards. As well as the usual bitching and moaning about the Academy, their recent Ten Best Picture decision (Nine this year, just to be annoying), and hammering out the details of this year's live video podcast of the Moviesucktastic Oscar coverage, Joey and Scott touch on the films filling the roster of the top main categories. Tune in and get the inside scoop on who is going to win, who is going to lose, and how lame Ben Stiller is going to be this year. The time to prepare for this year's Oscar Awards show is rapidly dwindling!

Trailer for Every Oscar-Winning Movie Ever

This episode of Moviesucktastic is available on iTunes and Zune, or on Podcast Pickle, Podcast Pup and Pod Feed. If you are on the go, you can stream it on the fly directly onto your smart phone using the sweet-ass Stitcher App. And, as always, you can also download or listen to the show streaming at Moviesucktastic.com.

And while you're at it, be sure to drop us a voice mail on the Moviesucktastic Hotline, 908-514-4470. Call in with your Oscar predictions and shame us!

Related articles

• Oscar Short Film Nominees 2012: What Are They About? (news.moviefone.com)
• Why don't critics, Oscars & audience agree? (blogs.suntimes.com)
• Monkey Business: The Academy's Extremely Lost and Incredibly Confused Year (sundancenow.com)