Thursday, November 10, 2011

Moviesucktastic #50: Dungeons & Dragons, Severed: Forest of the Dead

Dungeons & Dragons (film)Image via WikipediaMilestones are often causes for celebration. Anniversaries are frequently marked as joyous occasions. But for Joey & Scott, the fearless hosts of Moviesucktastic, the recording of episode #50 of their podcast dedicated to the contemplation and appreciation of awful cinema brings with only more pain, suffering, and human degradation. Instead of passing around party favors and pointy hats, the Movie Guys broke out the twenty-sided dice and flannel shirts for a double feature of crappy movies.

For those of you who thought that the upcoming Battleship was the first epic film based on a game, the Movie Guys cover the adaptation that role-playing game geeks have struggled to forget for years, the regretful Dungeons & Dragons. This failure to successfully cash in on the trademark of a cultural marketing phenomenon, rivaled only by the dismal Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie, features the questionable performances of the overacting Jeremy Irons, the overestimated Justin Whalin, the overly annoying Marlon Wayans, and a supporting cast of people who should have known better (with the possible exception of Richard O'Brien, who pretty much exists in his own unique cinematic world). Bonus points for the appearance of Lee Arenberg, who starred as a disgusting bald dwarf warrior before going on to take on the role of everyone's favorite disgusting bald pirate in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Minus points for blue lipstick.

After this abysmal dungeon crawl, Scott consumed a bottle (or two, or three) of basement-brewed wine before following Joey into the thick, overgrown jungle of disappointing zombie films that is Severed: Forest of the Dead. When you hear Lumberjacks and Environmental Activists vs. Zombies, do you think Chainsaws, Bulldozers, and Picket Signs driven through zombified skulls? Then prepare to be disappointed as you slog through this week's Moviesucktastic Home Game selection, brought streaming into your homes by the money-grubbing bastards at Netflix. Despite the tantalizing promise that this low-budget horror film will deliver an "undead gore fest that makes a run-in with a wood chipper seem tame," the closest you'll get to any real gore is when you claw your eyes out from sheer boredom during the riveting dinner-table conversation scenes.

This episode of Moviesucktastic is available on iTunes and Zune, or on Podcast PicklePodcast Pup and Pod FeedIf you are on the go, you can stream it on the fly directly onto your smart phone using the sweet-ass Stitcher App. And, as always, you can also download or listen to the show streaming at

And while you're at it, be sure to drop us a voice mail on the Moviesucktastic Hotline908-514-4470. Leave a review or recommend a bad movie for us to watch. We're always open to suggestions.

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