Monday, December 28, 2009

What I Learned From Avatar

  • Humans will always be driven to destroy all that is beautiful and natural.
  • Corporations are evil and untrustworthy.
  • No matter what evil deeds are perpetrated by corporations, the CEO will always escape any penalties.
  • God is the Internet, Heaven is one giant Server, and we are all Plug & Play data ports.
  • The best belief system is the kind that can be proven through scientific method.
  • 3D makes everything better.
  • The Tribe Leader’s young warrior son will always come off as a royal prick until you get a chance to bond with him in the third act.
  • It is okay to kill marines if they are private contractors and not on the government payroll.
  • A planet-wide rainforest ecosystem will contain only six or seven distinct animals.
  • Michelle Rodriguez is contractually obligated to die in everything she stars in.
  • When felling a tree measuring over a mile high, not one person is going to think of saying “Timber.”
  • Floating mountains can have waterfalls despite having no source for the water to come from.
  • Its okay to have a completely predictable storyline if it costs half a billion dollars and looks really cool.
  • Superstitious shamanistic races are more likely to deal with foreign interlopers who show up magically possessing bodies built to resemble their own.
  • The idealistic alien race is built like an impossibly thin ten-foot-tall runway model .
  • Destroying your girlfriend’s home and killing her father will break up your relationship, but if you show up later with a totally hot ride, she’ll take you back in a heartbeat.
  • Ten years of development, and the most creative name that James Cameron can think of for his film’s fictional rare mineral is Unobtainium.
  • Even worse, the movie poster tagline he could come up with was Believe It, Or Not.
  • People will pay to see anything in 3D.

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