Friday, July 18, 2008

Weekend Theater Threat Alert - 7/18/08

Weekend Movie Threat Level: Green (Low Risk) - Why So Serious? Relax and buy a ticket.

As rare as it may be, this weekend is a completely safe for film audiences to view new releases. No worries, no concerns, no fears. Buy a ticket and some overprices concession stand snacks, and relax in your semi-reclining stadium seat with complete confidence. You simply can’t lose.

In all fairness, we should probably warn you about Space Chimps, another mediocre animated movie built upon a flimsy concept, annoyingly cute talking animals, and second-rate voice acting talent (Cheryl Hines, Jeff Daniels, and Patrick “The Tick” Warburton). We should also probably caution you about Mama Mia, yet another in a long line of film adaptations of Broadway musicals, this one even doubly obnoxious as it is based on ABBA’s greatest hits. But we aren’t. As a matter of fact, we’re just going to ignore them. You might as well ignore them, too, because the rest of the country isn’t even giving them a second thought. Why?

They’re all going to be watching The Dark Knight.

How does a comic book movie sequel create such an overwhelming atmosphere of anticipation that it it practically sells out at every theater offering reserve ticket purchases? There are a lot of contributing factors that one can point to (screenplay by Jonathan and Christopher Nolan, direction by Christopher Nolan, performances by Christian Bale and Aaron Eckhart, phenomenal art direction and set design), but the simplest answer is really a two word reply: Heath Ledger.

Despite what many might imply, this mad rush to see The Dark Knight has nothing to do with Ledger’s accidental death, and the tasteless rumors that immediately flooded the media. It might have sounded cool to claim that playing the role of the Clown Prince of Crime drove Ledger to madness and suicide, but those fanciful deductions were proven false and laid to rest before the week was out. Admittedly, the Oscar nominated actor’s untimely death heightened the nation’s awareness of his upcoming performance. But it is a great insult to imply that millions of people are flocking to the theaters simply to satisfy their morbid curiosity by watching the last film of a great actor who died at a tragically young age. It is an insult, because it overshadows the true reason why this film is promising to break an ass load of box office records.

Heath Ledger’s Joker is freakin’ scary.

For the first time in a long time, American audiences are being confronted by a villain that is truly and undeniably evil in the creepiest sense of the word. This isn’t Sid Cesar mugging for the camera and giggling like a fool. This isn’t the loveable smart-ass Jack Nicholson acting nutty and occasionally killing people. The Joker that the Dark Knight trailers have introduced us to is a darkly disturbing lunatic, criminally insane in the purist sense of the term. This is a kill-happy lunatic with a pocket full of knives, a face full of running greasepaint, a talent for creating havoc, and a spine-chilling chuckle that would make Peter Parker wet his Spidey underoos.

What was the last movie bad guy that was both unimaginably scary, yet frighteningly believable? The closest one that springs to mind here is Hannibal Lecter, and only from the first film. Its been that long, and like the rest of the people out there scrambling to secure opening weekend tickets, we can’t wait to bear witness to that kind of entertaining evil once again.

As Michael Caine so eloquently explained in the dialogue-only teaser, “Some people just want to watch the world burn.” After getting a mere glimpse at the Joker in the Dark Knight trailers, we just want to watch him try and set it on fire.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Bad Movie Reveiw Coming Attractions - The Happening!

Coming soon to This Movie Sucks! A detailed look at M. Night Shyamalan's latest exercise in alienating his audience: The Happening!


Monday, June 9, 2008

Weekend Box Office Estimates 6/6-6/8



(Statistics and links courtesy of http://www.boxofficemojo.com/)


Kung Fu Panda, Dreamworks answer for not having a Shrek film this Summer certainly didn't disappoint at the box office bringing in a whopping $60 million. A smart man once told me that children's films bring in the most money as they are getting one or in most cases two extras tickets sold due to the parents tagging along. With that said, did anyone really think this film wouldn't have a big opening weekend?



You don't Mess With The Zohan proves that the dumber the Sandler film, the more people will flock to it. There's one thing that has to be said about Adam Sandler, the man has some knack for making stupid films that people come out in droves for. With an opening weekend of $40 million you can expect Zohan 2 to be a possibility or worse yet, exactly the same Sandler movie with a different title.


Indiana Jones and The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull fared quite well for it's third week with a modest $22 million weekend. Although the film is starting to wane at the box office but not before taking in a whopping $253 million in only 17 days. From here on in it's a creeping crawl to the $300 million mark in which it will surely hit.



Finally the Sex And the City movie that's flimsier than Samantha begging for Botox injection jokes holds strong for it's second week coming in at $21 million. With box office numbers like this you know the studios won't be able to help themselves to make multiple sequels. Although i've been told that they didn't open it up for another film, they'll always find a way if the $$ is right.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Weekend Theater Threat Alert - 5/23/08


Weekend Movie Threat Level: Blue (Guarded)
Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull has everything going for it. It has an all star cast, one of the best director's in the biz, amazing stunts crew and most importantly, it's the ONLY new movie opening this weekend. To say this film is going to do huge at the box office this weekend is a complete understatement. Expect to not get in just about anywhere and dare i say it, a new opening 3 day record is possibly on the horizon. Is it any good? Who cares! It will be big box office regardless. The main plot consists of Indy being sucked back in for one last adventure by the Soviets (led by Cate Blanchett) talking him into finding a lost crystal skull. He can't help himself and is always thinking of his beloved museum, he decides to take on the adventure only later to be betrayed, damned Ruskies. Shia LeBeouf and Ray Winstone add sidekick comic relief. Even Karen Allen returns as Marion Ravenwood. There should be plenty of twists and turns and hopfully as long as you don't get your hopes too high you may even enjoy this.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Weekend Box Office Estimates for 5/2-5/4


(Statistics and links courtesy of
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/)

Iron Man Par. $100,750,000
Made of Honor Sony $15,500,000
Baby Mama Uni. $10,332,000
Forgetting Sarah Marshall Uni. $6,132,000
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay NL $6,015,000
The Forbidden Kingdom LGF $4,200,000
Nim's Island Fox $2,750,000
Prom Night (2008) SGem $2,500,000
21 Sony $2,100,000
88 Minutes Sony $1,600,000

Iron Man in true blockbuster fashion came in at number one at the box office with a whopping $100 million dollar weekend. There were many factors that sealed its current position in the top ten movie opening weekends of all time (10th). When you have your movie shown on 4,105 screens that certainly helps, but most importantly is the fact that there was nothing, absolutely NOTHING it had to compete with. A producer’s wet dream. All of this along with the simple fact that it was actually a good film leads up to Jon Favreau as a real consideration for real films and obviously sequels to come.


Considering its competition and one trick pony screenplay Made Of Honor actually had a modest weekend coming in at number two and a $15.5 million opening. In only its second week Baby Mama dropped to the third spot with $10.3 million and has already topped its production budget and is now officially making a profit, God save us.

As for the rest of the top ten? Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay is losing it’s luster fast amongst theater goers as it dropped to the fifth spot from holding second just one week ago. Forgetting Sarah Marshall was not forgotten this weekend as its held the fourth spot yet again. To round out the top ten it’s looks as if 88 Minutes and Prom Night will be heading out of the top ten in the next week or two. I can’t think of two better candidates.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Weekend Theater Threat Alert - 5/2/08




Weekend Movie Threat Level: Blue (Guarded) - Rich Industrialist in a flying suit of armor Vs. Wealthy Playboy in a dress. Back the right horse, and you'll find yourself in the winner's circle.

Made of Honor


Tom (Patrick Dempsey, the sickeningly nicknamed “Dr. McDreamy” of Grey’s Anatomy) is a wealthy playboy living the ultimate bachelor’s life, but when his platonic best friend Hannah (the cute but forgettable Michelle Monaghan) decides to tie the knot with some guy she found in Scotland (Rome’s own Kevin McKidd), he suddenly realizes that he’s been in love with her all along. Hilarity ensues when Hannah asks Tom to be her ‘Made of Honor’.



When both your movie title and tagline (‘An Unbridled Comedy’) are puns based on the film’s one-trick pony of a screenplay, you know that you’re in for a world of hurt. Your ultimate Chick Flick Rom Com, men are uncultured slobs who eat potpourri and talk about getting laid all the time, and the really cute and wealthy bachelor fulfills the woman’s dreams by marrying her after being repeatedly humiliated. The only people buying tickets for this one will be women who have to mark their Harlequin romance novels so they can tell which ones they have read, and men too whipped to say no to their wife/girlfriend. The rest of us will be seeing…

Iron Man

On the other side of the coin, Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr., America’s favorite ex-junkie actor) is a wealthy playboy who designs missiles and weapons, then has a change of heart after being kidnapped and tortured by terrorists, and suddenly realizes that he’d rather build a cross between an Armani Suit and a Sherman Tank and blow things up himself. Hilarity ensues when evil mastermind Obadiah Stan (played by The Dude himself, Jeff Bridges) gets his hands on Stark’s design notes and decides to make a toy of his own.



John Favreau, whose directorial credits consist mainly of one underground cult hit and two cheesy kids films, is probably hoping that Iron Man has a Sam Raimi Effect on his career. He’s most likely also thanking the Fates that he was passed over to direct The Fantastic Four.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Weekend Box Office Estimates for 4/25-4/27

(Statistics and Links courtesy of http://www.boxofficemojo.com/)

1 Baby Mama Uni. $18,271,000
2 Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay NL $14,570,000
3 The Forbidden Kingdom LGF $11,230,000
4 Forgetting Sarah Marshall Uni. $11,014,000
5 Nim's Island Fox $4,525,000
6 Prom Night (2008) SGem $4,400,000
7 21 Sony $4,000,000
8 88 Minutes Sony $3,600,000
9 Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! Fox $2,410,000
10 Deception (2008) Fox $2,225,000


To say I'm not surprised that Baby Mama topped the weekend box office would be an understatement. When you have a comedy that's been done so many times and is stale as yesterday's diaper, you have to wonder why everyone keeps paying to see this?!? This weekend's box office numbers just encourage the studios to make more, more and Oh GOD more! This film may not get a sequel, but consider Tina Fey might be allowed to write just that much longer because of it.

Harold and Kumar came in a close second, no surprise there, either. Their first adventure was laugh-out-loud funny, so you'd expect the following, despite the film's content. Maybe it's just because enough people like White Castle and Newark.

Deception just managed to just squeak into the bottom of the top ten with a horrific opening of only $2.2 million. Being shown on only 2,000 screens doesn't help, either. Did the studio seem less than optimistic about their own film? It wouldn't be the first time.

As for the rest of the top ten? No real surprises there; three new films in, three films out. Street Kings (7th last week) , Leatherheads (9th last week) and Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed (10th last week) was knocked out, which will hopefully signal the end of Ben Stein's pop culture appeal. Bueller? Bueller?

Note: The fact that Prom Night is still in the top ten and is making enough money to spawn more remake-sequels is enough to make a grown man beg for a three-razor-blade lemon-lime Martini. Why does a decent horror film such as The Ruins make no money at all, yet PG-13 fluff like this break the bank? Which of you senseless clowns out there are actually throwing great wads of cash at this crap? Don't you realize that you are only encouraging them? How the hell do you sleep at night? Bastards...