Moviesucktastic

Saturday, February 13, 2010

This Valentine's Day, Give the Gift of Penis

Or, to be more precise, give the gift of MovieSucktastic Episode #11, the Valentine's Day Special. The focus of this episode? Full frontal male nudity in film.

In their last episode, Joey and Scott spent a fair amount of time discussing the lengthy nude wrestling scene between Oliver Reed and Alan Bates in the Ken Russel film Women in Love. As much as they tried to put it behind them, this flagrant display of thespian penises left a taste in their mouths that they simply couldn't ignore. The idea of full frontal male nudity in films kept growing in their minds, until it was far too hard to keep down. Finally, the decision was made: A Penis Episode must be recorded.

Here it is, just in time for Valentine's Day, an episode sure to fully satisfy the hopeless romantic residing deep inside you. In this special Valentine Day Penis Episode, Joey and Scott take a long, hard look at the films in which they have been exposed to male genitalia in their cinematic past, stretching from the recent viewing of Women in Love all the way back to their first traumatic childhood glimpses of nude actors in film.

So, join the proudly erect co-hosts of MovieSucktastic as they pay homage to the male actor's package this Valentine's Day. Download it from iTunes, Podcast Alley or Podcast.com, and give it to that special someone who makes you throb whenever they are near. They will thank you in the end.

Have a Penis Film that you think was unfairly overlooked? Share your soreness with Joey and Scott at themovieguys@moviesucktastic.com, and they'll do what they can to stroke your ego during the next podcast.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Bad Movie Alert: MacGruber

MacGruber is not only a completely convoluted and unsuccessful parody of MacGyver, it is based on a commercial. And not even a very popular commercial at that. Wonderful.

Honestly, I think I'd rather see a film based on the exploits of the Free Credit Report band.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Episode #10 - Naked Men, Looker Labs and Avatar Apologists

The newest episode of the MovieSucktastic Podcast is up, just in time for all of those movie-lovers snowed in across the East Coast. This time around, on top of our normal Top Ten review and Finger List nominations, Joey and Scott give their in-depth reviews of the latest round of movie challenges.

Joey's challenge to Scott this episode: the 1969 Ken Russel adaptation of D.H. Lawrence's Women in Love, one of the first mainstream films to ever feature full frontal male nudity, as well as the first film to win a Best Actress Academy Award for a role featuring a nude scene. That's right, you get to see Glenda Jackson's boobies. Unfortunately (for Scott, at least), Oliver Reed and Alan Bates get much more nude screen time.

Scott's challenge to Joey: The eighties science fiction thriller Looker, written and directed by Michael Crichton nearly a decade before Jurassic Park made everyone forget about this film and Runaway. A scathing indictment of advertising, plastic surgery, and the notion that a sexy model can also be smart, Looker also features a former Partridge Family member in the buff. That's right, you get to see Susan Day's boobies. Fortunately (for Joey, at least), Albert Finney does not strip down for the cameras as well.

On top of all of this retro naked fun, Joey and Scott take a look back at their previous review of Avatar and decide on a new position regarding the film's quality, based mostly on the rabid defense it has received from its almost cult-like fan base. Let's just say they're a little less forgiving this time around.

Check it out on iTunes, Podcast Alley or Podcast.com, and then write to them at themovieguys@moviesucktastic.com and let them know what you think. You've heard from them, now let them hear from you!

Avatar Review: Yes, It Changed Everything After All [Review] (gizmodo.com)
Oscar odds and ends and facts and figures (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
Guild Awards Snub 'Avatar' (nytimes.com)
Sandra Bullock Threatens To Cut Meryl Streep!! (perezhilton.com)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Look Behind You! Scary Mirrors Montage.

Some film genres are defined more by their cliches than they are their achievements. While this might be a bit unfair, it can be pretty funny, especially when the cliche in question is so predominantly embraced by the filmmakers despite its vast overuse.

Next to the Trip-While-Running-Through-The-Woods gag, one of the most popular scare tactics for horror films has been the sudden appearance of someone or something in the mirror behind someone. In celebration of this well-worn gimmick, the darker forces pervading the atmosphere over at FourFour have created this entertaining montage of scary mirror scenes.

Watch it with the lights off. And if see a reflection in the monitor of someone behind you while you are watching, don't worry. It's just me.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Bad Blu-ray Releases for February 9

Running Man (1987) - Most likely the second-worst Stephen King film adaptation ever (with

Cover of The Phantom

Lawnmower Man (1992) stealing the trophy), nothing begs for a high-definition Blu-ray release more than a Predator (1987) reunion featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger running around in a skin-tight body suit with professional Cuban sidekick Maria Conchita Alonso at his side (kicking, presumably), throwing around cheesy one-liners so bad they make Commando look like a David Mamet production. Rob Cohen's textbook example of what kind of film you get when you burn through director's like soiled tissues.

The Phantom - Billy Zane, Treat Williams and Catherine Zeta-Jones team up in what was for years
considered by many to be the worst comic adaptation ever, until Frank Miller's complete and utter desecration of Will Eisner's The Spirit made everybody forget about Billy and his tight blue costume.

Hard Rain - One of the later films in Christian Slater's "How to Destroy a Promising Career" tour, this Die-Hard-In-An-Abandoned-Town-During-A-Major-Flood was originally titled The Flood, but received a quick name change when test audiences complained that it gave away the ending. Yet another glowing example of how Morgan Freeman's career can survive any kind of natural disaster.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Is this really the Best Picture? Past and Present Oscar Winners.

Growing up, I would always make sure to tune into the Oscars every year. No matter how late it would go I'd watch it. As I became older, I started to get a bit jaded with the whole thing. Don't get me wrong, I still tuned in. But my appetite for it has waned over the years. The Academy has this knack for awarding mediocrity like no other.

For example, take the 63rd Academy Awards for 1990. Say what you will, Dances With Wolves was NOT the best picture that year. Was it a bad film? Absolutely not. But the winner that year should have been Martin Scorsese's Goodfellas, a cinematic

masterpiece that was completely overlooked. Dances was your typical historical epic, and we all know how much Hollywood loves epics. Maybe if Goodfellas was named "Wiseguy" after the book it might have been a better contender, but they chose not to stick with it because of the well known TV show of the same name. It was also Costner’s directorial debut. Hollywood loves stuff like that. Scoresese loses, we all move on.

I thought the same thing at the 67th Academy Awards for 1994, when Forrest Gump won

. While the special effects were groundbreaking at the time, they are completely dated today

. The special effects are one of the biggest reasons it won. It was innovative, revolutionary and had done something we had never seen before. Unfortunately, it just doesn't hold up today. It does have a solid plot and is a good film, but we all know that Pulp Fiction was the clear cut winner that year. Quentin Tarantino lost to a gimmick, an undeniable fact in hindsight.

In 1997, when the 69th Academy Awards were underway, you could just smell that

The English Patient was going to win. It had everything the Academy looks for; it was a period piece

, it had top notch actors and amazing set design, and the costumes had the authentic look and feel of the time period. Unfortunately, it was also boring as shit. The film that should have won that year was without a doubt Fargo. It was funny, dramatic, touching and sad. It also had a wood chipper scene that probably cost it the Oscar. Should it have won? Yes. Did it? Of course not.

One of my favorite films is one that got snubbed

badly in the 71st Academy Awards for 1998. That film was Saving Private Ryan. The very passable

Shakespeare In Love won the Best Picture that year. Ryan had everything a Best Picture should have; plot, acting, drama, and directing (which Spielberg won for). Shakespeare in Love was a period piece, which in itself seems enough to garner a nomination. It also was one of the most average films to be nominated that year. Dame Judy Dench also won for Best Supporting Actress for what I believe was only 7 minutes of screen time. Everyone else nominated that in that category that year had every right to be angry. I know I would have been if I were up for Best Supporting Actress.

The 74th and 75th Academy Awards can almost be forgiven for giving the Best Picture award to

A Beautiful Mind (2001) and Chicago (2002). It's a well know fact that the Academy was NOT going to Give the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy a very deserved Best Picture for three straight years. Instead they gave it to the two best runner ups those years and heavily awarded The Return Of The King in 2003. As much as it would have been deserved, Hollywood probably would have been shunned for it. I don't agree, but I understand.

This brings me to this year, and the 82nd Academy Awards for 2009. Never have I seen so many uninspiring movies nominated for best picture by the books. This is not to say that there were not a few surprises in there,

namely UP and District 9. But for the most part, it is a very unimpressive year. This brings me back to the Academy rewarding mediocrity, which brings us back to this year’s probable winner, Avatar.

Avatar is not necessarily a bad film, but it sure as hell isn't Best Picture material. Now I won't sit here and tell you you're wrong for loving this film (I have Scott for that). What I will say is that it is an average film at best, with a weak plot that barely supports the hefty runtime and generous serving of 3-D CGI. When it comes time to vote, I really hope that the Academy is smarter than it has been in the past. There are so many better films to consider. Hopefully they don't fall into the hype of how it's the "Most Popular" or made the "Most Money" or "Best 3-D". We're talking about Best Picture here, people! If Avatar is the best we can come up with for Best Picture than we are truly in trouble. Tarantino, whose “ Inglourious Basterds” was a far better film, will be snubbed yet again, and by yet another big-budget film with an expensive and over-produced gimmick.

Here's my prediction, and I REALLY hope I’m wrong. I think the Academy will award Tarantino with Best Director so they can feel justified for giving

Avatar Best Picture. This is something that has happened in the past and hopefully will not happen this year. All of the things that Avatar does well are nothing more than what the technical awards should handle. Then again, I think it would be damn funny if District 9 were to win Best Special Effects. It would be nice if innovation and skill won out over mega-budget extravaganzas for a change. I was more impressed with D9's effects than I was at Avatar's overgrown Smurfs, and it only cost $30 million in comparison to Avatar’s bloated $400+ million dollar budget. Also, why is Avatar nominated for Best Cinematography? Where is logic behind that? Were they filming on location in Pandora instead of in front of a green screen? I think not.

Will this years awards be as dried out and lackluster as I’m thinking? We'll find out March 7th, 2010. Let's hope I'm pleasantly surprised.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Podcast Episode #8: Sequels! Sequels! Sequels!

The wait is over! After an agonizingly lengthy delay, the latest episode of MovieSucktastic is finally up and ready for your easy listening pleasure!

Seasonal constraints and other complications can throw a monkey wrench in some of the best laid plans, and your humble hosts Joey and Scott are no different. But now that we've finally gotten over our mutual hurdles, things are moving along quite swimmingly, thank you very much. We've cleaned the dust off of the MovieSucktastic Microphone and gotten down to business, bringing our own special blend of film theory and criticism to your sensitive little earbuds.

What do Joey and Scott have lined up for your amusement and mirth this episode? We start off with a recap of the recent top ten box office champs, followed by our additions to the Finger List, each of us choosing which film we would rather cut off our little finger rather than watch in a theater. Find out which one of us would rather horribly mutilate ourselves rather than watch Did You Hear About the Morgans?

After that, we launch right into our overview of the currently slated barrage of sequels heading to your local overpriced theaters in 2010. Hollywood has been slowly turning up the output knob on the Sequel Machine (Patent Pending) over the past decade, with 2010 topping all expectations. Its looking more and more likely that, between sequels and remakes, your odds of seeing anything even remotely original in the theaters this year have diminished greatly. And yes, that includes Avatar.

On top of all of this, we also announce the winner of our Facebook Page contest! Tune in and find out which one of our first 100 Facebook Fans won an autographed copy of co-host Scott's latest book on cult and horror cinema, Monster Rally. Better yet, join our Facebook Fan Page before it hits 200 and you might win our next drawing yourself!

So go to MovieSucktastic.com and either listen to and/or download episode #8 directly from the website, or follow our links to iTunes, Podcast Alley and Podcast.com. And don't forget to email us and let us know what you think of us, the show, or a bad movie you've recently seen. You've heard us, now let us hear you!